Just thinking out loud...

Dear Ed,

"When your legs don't work like they used to before"

But what if my legs never really actually worked? Because that's the thing... My body, correction, our bodies, never really have actually been fully functional. Maybe for some of you, you can remember days when your body responded the way you wanted it to every time, and maybe for others, you understand what I'm talking about. 

"When my hands don't play the strings the same way"

Some of you may be sitting there reading this thinking that BYCI (before your chronic illness) your body worked perfectly...
For some reason I could never convince my hands to do the fancy finger picking people associate with artists like Ed Sheeran, Keith Urban, and practically every other artist who possesses the ability to play guitar. I thought it was simply because I didn't try hard enough or practice long enough.

I've always been clumsy, tripping over objects laying in the middle of the floor, running into walls, tripping over invisible objects laying on the floor... I'm sure you get the point. My lack of hand-eye coordination meant that sports were a struggle - eventually something I stopped trying to succeed at.

Looking back things that seemed to be minor problems when I was younger, have become amplified and much more visible now. I'm sure many of you can agree. 

Our bodies, they do what they want, when they want... But you wanna know a secret? 

Your soul..... "Could never grow old, it's evergreen"

Our bodies don't define, they're just the parts people see... The visible body fighting the invisible illness. But your soul, while you don't have control over your body (for the most part), you can control the way you build up and nurture your soul. Just as your appearance doesn't define you, neither does your bodies ability to function. 

Maybe you're legs don't work like they used to. Maybe your legs never worked. Maybe your hands don't play the strings the same way. Maybe your hands could never really play the strings at all. Maybe you're a klutz. Maybe you just lack balance. 

But whatever it is you do or don't have. Whatever it is you can't control... You can control one thing. 

"Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks" 

Take a deep breath. Think happy thoughts. Smile. Remember that no matter how hard today is on your body, that doesn't have to affect your soul. 

°breathe°live°thrive

first post...!

Hello there!

Welcome to my blog. The end result of time "wasted" when I can't sleep, or when I feel alone, or when the pain is just to much.

When I want to talk to someone who understands, or when I have some crazy new thought or theory, this is where I turn to.

Being diagnosed or unofficially diagnosed with a chronic illness, is hard at any age, but especially when you still haven't even received a high school diploma. The past few months have been rocky trying to figure out exactly what's wrong with me and what I can do to help prevent the bad days.

So I have a question. In a society that it so dependent on the internet and social media, why are there not more support systems for those of us in the younger generation dealing with chronic illnesses?

I haven't yet found the answer to that question, but I do have a bit of a solution... This blog of course!

If you're interested in finding out more about me or this blog, I would encourage you to read the "about me" feature, and then go check out the "About" tab up on the top. After completing both of those tasks, subscribe to my blog down at the bottom of the page, or maybe even contact me, and stay tuned for more random thoughts, analogies, and mindless wanderings. In the meantime, know that when it seems as if the rest of the world is against you, I understand. I feel your pain. You are NOT alone.

the morning AFTER (it rains)

If you're anything like me, you will know that it's going to rain, before it starts raining, and if for some reason you're in a basement or room without windows, and it's raining outside, even though you can't see, you will KNOW that it is indeed raining outside.

Rain is a really funny thing. It's so good for so much of the world. Whether it's watering the crops of farmers, providing water for people in a remote village, or giving children land filled with puddles to splash around and adventure in, if I may quote Luke Bryan here, "rain is a good thing." A good thing, but a very funny and highly irritating thing. How is it that something as simple as a change in the atmosphere can wreck so much havoc on our bodies? Why is something that's so good so bad?

I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that I'm not the only one who wants to crawl under 36382 blankets and watch old movies ALL day EVERY time it rains. Why is that? Why do our bodies feel the need to either shut down or wage a full out war over something as simple as a calm peaceful rainfall?

Rainbows don't only symbolize new life anymore, they aren't just a sign from one of God's many Old Testament covenants. Rainbows are a sign that maybe sometime soon, our bodies will begin to turn to "normal."

"The calm before the storm." More like the calm AFTER the storm.

In the world we live in, there is so much to be thankful for: a roof over your head, food to eat, a warm soft comfy bed to crawl into at night. We are surrounded by an overabundant amount of blessings. Blessings that we honestly don't deserve. We are lucky, luckier than most. While our bodies don't function the way we think they should, we don't have to worry about walking three miles just to get water (can you even imagine?), while many times the thought of food is enough to make us nauseous, we aren't starving. The big things. The big things are handled, and for the most part out of our control.

I've come to realize in life, that it's not the big things, it's the little things. Seeing that gorgeous butterfly floating gracefully through the air. Watching those baby birds take a bath in that puddle. Hearing a baby laugh. Watching clouds float by.

We live in a world of miracles. While our bodies aren't perfect... Never forget, you are a breathing, living, thriving MIRACLE. Don't stress about the big things. We can't change those. Search instead for the little things. Find those peaceful moments. Things will get better, they won't always be horrible. Good days. Bad days. They come and go. Patiently await the peace of the morning after it rains.

°breathe°live°thrive°