fibromyalgia awareness day

Happy Fibromyalgia Awareness Day!

While I'm more than happy to spread awareness, this is one day, I wish I didn't have to celebrate.

Most of the time, brutal honesty isn't necessary. But today, is an exception.

Fibromyalgia. The 12 letter word that changed my life 11 months ago. A word that gave a meaning to everything I had been feeling and fighting for so long. A word that described why simply living was such a hard activity for me.

But what exactly is fibromyalgia? I'm to the point where I can typically tell whether a person understands what I'm talking about or not just by the look on their face when I say the word.

"Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, and memory issues"

If there's one thing I've gotten used to doing in the past 11 months, it's describing exactly what this illness is and does.

Arthritis is a familiar term to most people, and in a sense, it's a lot like that. However fibro doesn't stop at your joints, it attacks your joints, muscles, and nervous system.

I've spent hours trying to come up with a part of my body that isn't affected by it. I have yet to come up with an actual answer to that one. Every single part of my body is affected somehow.

hands are just hands, until you're 16 and you can hardly pick up a pen to sign your name.

hair is just hair, until you're 17, sitting on your bathroom floor clutching yet another handful, a week before prom.

food is just food, until every bite you put into your body makes you want to throw up.

sleep is just sleep, until you're laying in your bed at 3 am for the fourth night in a row, knowing full well that you need to be up and functioning in 4 hours.

Fibromyalgia is like having the flu, shin splints in your entire body, and a migraine all at the same time, the day after being run over by a herd of buffalo.

Pain. Fatigue. Brain Fog. What's not to love?

It's been said, that to understand the fatigue fibro causes, a normal person would have to stay awake for three days and then try to function.

Brain fog is simply unexplainable, (mostly because I typed the q about ten times before I figured out that I wanted a g instead... ). Some days I try finding a word from inside my head, and even though I know I know the word, I can't get it out of my mouth, or even better yet, a different word comes out.

I get tired. I hurt. I get mad. I cry.

I'm still me.

Fibro took some of my patience, but in ways, it gave me more. Fibro took some of my calmness, but I'm more understanding. I'm less judgemental. Fibro took away my my ability to use my hands in the ways that I want to. Fibro took away my ability to drink chocolate milk. At one point in time, fibro had taken more than 20 pounds away from me.

I'm still me. Yes. I deal with an amount of pain you can't imagine or fathom. But, I've come to learn that pain isn't just a time of hopelessness and desolation. That pain can be used for a greater good. No, I won't really ever be able to see the fruits of my pain. But, knowing that I can offer up my pain as a sacrifice and a prayer for someone who needs it, somehow makes it worth it. It gives me the grace I need to smile and laugh because I know that if fibromyalgia can't ruin me, nothing can.